We live in a society that encourages people to be outgoing. Consider the following scenarios: a public education system that promotes class involvement, a workplace culture that encourages networking for current and future jobs, and a society that favours small talk.
Although introverts account for at least half of the population, parents and a big section of society consider being introvert as a strange characteristic. We want our children to be friendly and outgoing, and if they are quieter than their companions, we are concerned that something is wrong. We want our children to have massive groups of friends and to participate in activities with other kids because we believe that is what a normal child looks like. Furthermore, we don’t want our child to be the strange introvert who prefers to be alone, since it will reflect negatively on our parenting abilities.
So, if our kids happen to be introverts by chance, we go around rushing to kick-start their social lives. We set up playmates for them when they’re infants, we insist on inviting their friends and classmates over when they’re teenagers, and we actively encourage them to participate in a variety of clubs and groups to become extrovert in nature.
Being an introvert is normal — so, take it easy!
I am an introvert and I have learnt one fundamental thing, which we often tend to forget – being an introvert is a personality trait, not a handicap! It is nothing to be ashamed off or feel inferior about. There are countless highly successful personalities – Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, J. K. Rowling, Warren Buffet – to name a few who are self-proclaimed introverts. Once you accept this fact, raising your introvert child becomes easy.
We should learn how to respect the particular qualities and skills of kids who are introverts, instead of judging them as an unsuccessful extrovert. You likely know that your introverted child prefers to spend time alone in calm surroundings than being at the centre of the show, but do you know why?
According to a study conducted on both introverts and extroverts, extroverts were less responsive to dopamine, a neurotransmitter that regulates the brain’s pleasure and reward regions. As a result, the more extroverts engage with others and the world, the more their brain reward region is stimulated, making them feel happier and more energized. Introverts, on the other hand, need less stimulus and are more responsive to dopamine. This is why being alone helps them to re-energize.
The nervous system’s function is another part of the introvert-extrovert puzzle. Introverts prefer the parasympathetic side of their neural systems, whereas extroverts prefer the sympathetic side, which explains why they are always supercharged and ready to go. This side focuses on energy conservation and muscle relaxation, resulting in a calmer, quieter, and more reserved person.
Introversion, as you can see, has a lot to do with biology. Nothing is wrong with your child; they are simply wired that way — God’s gift!
How can you bring out the best in your introverted child?
Raising an introvert might be difficult because they are mostly misunderstood. This is especially true for teenagers who are still figuring out their personalities. The most important thing to remember when raising introverts is to teach them to work with their strengths rather than against them.
Here are some suggestions I have to share with you:
Accept and embrace your child just as she is
The first obstacle you must overcome is yourself. Accept that your child is an introvert and, as a result, will not be a typical social butterfly. They can and will make close friendships, but they will take their time and prefer isolation to socializing with others. Trying to change a fundamental element of your child’s personality by encouraging them to participate in more social activities is similar to trying to alter who they are. It gives a message that they aren’t good enough, which can damage not only their self-esteem but also your relationship. So, accept them just as they are.
Encourage your kid to express herself
Introverts have a basic desire to express themselves, so help your kid find appropriate ways to do so. This could be accomplished through art, creative writing, journaling, yoga, or whatever else interest them. Even social media, which has been criticized for having a negative impact on kids, can be useful. Without trying to become an extrovert, social media sites can help your kid to be thoughtful and expressive.Stay tuned for our article on How to help your kids use social media.
Just like you teach your child academics, some kids need to be taught social skills. You need to help them with what to say to introduce themselves, and how to go about making friends. Just like your child did not learn alphabets overnight, he/she is not going to turn into a social butterfly overnight. Give it time and patience; aim for incremental progress in social skills. Remember – yelling does not work. It probably helps you vent out your frustration – but it does an equal, if not more, harm to your child. When you shout, a child can only hear your voice, not what you are saying. Having said this, the objective should be to foster traits within the boundaries of your child’s inherent personality, without expecting a radical personality transformation.
Recognize and Respect your child’s privacy
Extroverted parents frequently believe that the entire family must always do activities together, but this just tends to stress an introverted child. Planning some one-on-one activities that you and your child can do together is a good strategy. Allow your child some peace and privacy as well because introverts refresh through loneliness and needs quiet time to analyse everything they see.
Play along with their strengths
Children are naturally reserved, but introverts may appear to be even more so. It’s possible that forcing them to join organizations or clubs in which they have no interest will fail. Instead, strike up a conversation with them to find out what their passions are and how you might help them pursue them. Encouraging them to accomplish something that is in their best interests will yield better results. They may, for example, specialize in individual sports such as swimming rather than team games such as basketball.
Try gentle approach and don’t force them
Introverted kids may take a lot of time to recover, but spending all of their free time alone can result in depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Rather than frightening your child by registering them in a club without their knowledge, gradually encourage them to join a community of people who share common interests. It’s possible that they lack confidence and believe they lack the necessary social skills to participate in group activities. Teach them easy conversation starters and guide them on how to engage with others to develop their skills.
How to make them understand and acknowledge their uniqueness?
Introverts often feel excluded out of social environments because extroverts tend to dominate. Teach your child to embrace their originality and skills. Let them know that their ability to listen, focus, understand, and communicate with others on an individual level is valuable and not something to be ashamed of. You can even provide your child positive examples in the form of well-known introverted celebrities and people.
Without a question, raising an introverted child in an extroverted world is difficult. The key to success, however, is to understand introversion as a strength to be developed in your child rather than a disease to be treated.
We conduct some really awesome introvert-friendly workshops for kids. If you are interested to give your introvert child some one-on-one attention, our workshops can be of great help. Know more